I use the phrase “inner fat girl” cause it’s a) funny and b) real.
And I’m not 100% sure if people who’ve always been skinny as hell genetically have one or not? Like maybe they have one, yet she’s like a 2 year old and doesn’t have a huge vocab and isn’t that vocal in her head? Yet for anyone that’s ever been chubby, struggled with their body image or just fucking loooooooved food, then you have one! She’s definitely a grown up version who’s got all types of shit to say! She’s always judging and wanting more and more! She’s probably obsessed with looking at recipes on Pinterest or the gram, and owns about 12-17 cook books! She’s always arguing with your sane brain that you want dessert cause the people at the table next to you had it and the second you saw that whipped cream stacked 3 inches high when the server brought it out, you’ve been drooling somewhere inside. Now your conscious/sane brain reminds you that you’re two bites from unbuttoning your pants after the big ass meal you just ingested. But your inner fat girl got her out back in the alley smacked around telling her she better mind her own business if she knows what’s good for her – cause ain’t NOTHIN comin’ between you and that peanut butter pie with homemade whipped cream on it!
So that chick. That’s who I’m talking about. Know her? Ever met her? She’s the one that tells you to get the chips and queso and then commands your hand to never stop moving from the bowl to your mouth for the next 8 minutes straight. She’s even the one who prompts you to waive the server over and ask for more chips to finish said queso, knowing damn well you’ve already ordered a burrito the size of your head that comes with rice and beans on the side. Her.
Other days, she’s the one that tells you that it’s soooo hard to diet, give up pop, avoid gluten or intermittent fast and only have an 8 hour window of eating. She looks at the small ass serving sizes on the side of the box and rolls her eyes like – how in the hell these food companies gonna do me like that and tell me only 2 cookies is a serving?!?! Pppsssshhhh! They must be talking to some skinny chick, cause ya’ll know damn well I was never gonna have 2 cookies, when the box come with about 44. Screw that!
If you’re someone that turns to food or alcohol to deal with your emotions – that’s your inner fat girl running the show more often that not! Well that mixed with some other emotional shit that deserves couch time. *I’ll even go another step further and say that anyone that routinely drinks and/or constantly overdrinks, is not in a good place in their heads or hearts. Period. Fight me all you want, yet you’re just lying to yourself. Your inner fat girl doesn’t mind if you have a few drinks with dinner, and the appetizer, and the fried entrée, and the dessert. She don’t give a shit! She’s happy! She’s fulfilled! Her heart is fullllll to the brim! And then you wake up the next day. Everything is tighter. Your stomach kinda hurts. Your head kinda hurts. Your ability to keep eating like shit and making poor choices throughout the rest of the day or weekend though, is now somehow easier? You already blew your “diet” or “doing good” on one big blowout meal – why not make it all damn weekend, right? It’s so much more fun to go to brunch and dinner with friends and eat and drink whatever the F you want….right? To say “ooohhh you gotta try these loaded fries!!!!” Or when your friend says “damn this is the best milkshake I’ve ever had – you gotta get one too” and so you waive the server over to order you 550 calories in a nostalgic glass cup with a long spoon to feel like Sandy and the Pink Ladies from Grease! That’s her! That’s her trying to take control. That’s her with the constant yearning to keep you chubby, fat, overweight, buying the next clothes size, crying while you get dressed person you’ve been for however many years, or were from ages 6-11. She’s literally the food devil.
Know who she is now? Feel what I’m saying? Okay, good. Cause we can’t carry on the convo if you gonna sit there reading acting like you got no damn sense and don’t know her.
The power it takes to overcome your inner fat girl is something else! It’s trophy worthy! It’s print me a nice ass 8×10 certificate with that textured gold seal, and frame it type of shit. And the custom one with the double and two tone mat colors, not the cheap frame you got from Ross with some perfect people’s wedding photo in black & white.
The work is hard. Not gonna lie. Yet you CAN do hard things. You may struggle at first, yet that’s the same as with anything “hard”. And “hard” or “easy”, whatever adjective you give to describe things you know you need to do in your life, is irrelevant. JUST DO THEM. You CAN make you happy. You CAN make her happy. You CAN please her annnnddd your sane brain – the one committed to health and longevity in life! The one that doesn’t want you obese and in stretch pants everyday.
It’s about retraining her. It’s about retraining a lifetime of programming, particularly if you grew up in a family or household where health wasn’t the focus. Or maybe everyone in your family is obese or chubby? Maybe everyone has diabetes and heart disease and it’s just “normal” for ya’ll? If those are your maybe’s, it’s probably gonna be harder for you…truth be told.
Yet maybe that isn’t you? Maybe you’re grown now and your partner is heavy and doesn’t care if you’ve packed an extra 40 LB’s on that ass over the last 15 years you’ve been together? Cause they love you anyways (which they should). Or maybe you were always a normal weight yet got yourself into a taxing job and demanding hours had your waist line blow up? Maybe it was even a toxic relationship that had you buying clothes 2-3 sizes larger after a few years of bull shit? I personally think if your weight trouble came as an adult, it’s easier to retrain her. Yet DO NOT let that stop you from doing the work and knowing what a bad ass you truly are!
All in all, I’m here to say – screw her! She cute or whatever….but she cannot be the one that runs the show if you want a healthy and mentally well life when it comes to your waist line. Cause believe me, the correlation between being mentally okay, sane, happy, comfortable, and your waist line – ISSSSS HUGGGGEEEEE! And stop lying if you act like it’s not. I don’t give a shit what people say, anyone overweight is not in the best space mentally. And I’m not talking you’ve got an extra 10-15 pounds on you from winter, I’m talking about 25+ lbs that’s always with you. The type of weight gain or increase or load that’s enough to make a negative difference on your body and overall health. I’m all about self love, and I think the movement around it these days is amazing! I’m talking about HEALTH though. And I’m being real with the impact that being overweight has on many emotionally. Even if it’s not at first, some time down the line, the heaviness will impact your health poorly, and you’ll be forced to deal with it.
One way to retrain your inner fat girl is to teach her about the “or” concept. I am usually one to love an “and” life! I want this AND that. I want to go here AND go there. If I’m on a trip to Hawaii, I want the helicopter ride AND the whale watching boat rides. I want to fly first class AND stay at the Ritz-Carlton! Get it? With food – it’s no different. Hell yes I want appetizers and dessert. Hell yes I want to eat my dessert and I want to try yours too! Yet who is talking when I say that? My sane brain commuted to health and longevity and being mentally well? N.O.P.E. That’s my inner fat girl talking! Cause that bitch wants it allllllll! She’s got no limits and honestly gives no fucks when it comes to her desires and interests and what makes her happy.
But she lives in my body, in my life, and that doesn’t line up with the same girl who can cry trying to find something to wear because I can’t just pick anything out of my closet and feel amazing in it anymore – cause I now only have this small section of the next size up attire to pick from. And I don’t feel comfortable or confident in it. At all. So these two people clash. They don’t agree. They bicker. They’re constantly on a power trip. And if you’ve let your inner fat girl win for the last few years, or a majority of your entire life, why wouldn’t she be strong as hell and always running the show? You’ve trained her well! She is obsessed with instant gratification. She’s frivolous and cares nada about consequences and long term impacts and your real heart. She wants what she wants, and honestly, she’s like a fucked up addict.
She needs to be tamed. She needs to be put in check. She needs to be reigned in.
You have to fight with her. You have to forgive her, even. You have to know that retraining her to take a back seat is okay. She can’t be in the driver’s seat anymore cause she’s leading you to depression, bad knees, and maybe even a lifetime of insulin. She sure as hell is leading you to a lifetime of medication and missing out on things as you won’t even get in the water with your kids at the beach cause God forbid you put on a bathing suit. You don’t even go to events and parties cause what the hell is going to fit your fat ass that’s “black tie”. She robs you of life. She kills off long term joy. She’s amazing at it in the moment, yet she doesn’t care how all of those little choices impact one another and add up. And that’s where her short sided thinking, has ruined a part of you, and your body.
Your sane and Godly brain wants you to win always and forever! It wants you to love life full out! It wants you to feel comfortable in your skin and standing in your closet getting dressed! It wants you in the pool with the kids and in pictures with them! It wants you not avoiding intimacy because you’re ashamed of your body. Your inner fat girl – she’s too selfish to even think about that shit. She’s immature and not very bright. She’s a user that just wants what she wants, and could care less about anyone else – YOU INCLUDED.
So you gotta let her control go. You have to fire her from the “boss” role. You have to tell her, even at every single f’ing meal, that she isn’t the baddest bitch in town anymore. YOU ARE. Your sane brain is! Sure, she can have a little fun, yet you’re going to regulate her as a bartender should of someone that’s an alcoholic or drinks too much. She’s gonna be controlled with “OR” from now on. And she’s gonna shut up and listen and stop being so damn greedy!
You get the appetizer OR the dessert.
You get the 2 drinks OR the fried entrée.
You get the chips & queso OR the margarita.
Or maybe you do get it all, yet you share everything with a friend?! You order oa margarita and ask for two glasses. You eat chips and don’t get queso, you just get salsa, cause you have queso on your burrito you two are gonna split.
You get the burrito OR the rice and beans.
You get the side of fries OR the cheese sticks to start.
You get the “go all out” brunch OR the big pasta night dinner.
You get the “eat whatever you want on your weekend away” OR the “eat whatever you want all week leading up to it”.
You just don’t get both anymore. Make sense?
Like if you’re going to go blow it out at the Olive Garden for endless salad & breadsticks AND fettuccine alfredo AND tiramisu for dessert, you don’t get pancakes for breakfast or Starbucks that morning or even anything but a damn salad for lunch with protein. Feel me? Same thing with tomorrow’s menu – needs to be clean AF after that 2,000 calorie ordeal.
You can keep her happy. It’s fun to make her happy! She just needs to not control the show. She needs to know her place in line – and that comes SECOND to your heart’s desires of being healthy and living long and being comfortable and confident and secure with yourself. She needs to know that you want to live a long life without a ton of medicine or achy joints from carrying around an extra 45 pounds for two decades. She deserves a spot in your life – she’s fun and exciting! She just needs to know what your soul truly wants. So fight with her. Cuss her out. Be mad as hell. List out what she’s robbed you of in life. Cry if you need to. And then forgive her. Forgive yourself for letting her get out of control. And then retrain. Retrain every Sunday as you plan your week. Retrain every morning. Retrain at every meal.
Know you’re worth her being present, yet controlled. Know you’re worth planning meals and making conscious sane brain calls on what comes out of your mouth or what you waive the server over for. Know you’re worth standing in your closet with essentially one healthy size of clothes and picking out any single thing and feeling good as hell in it! Know you’re worth a long life of abundant health! Confidently retrain yourself and do the work to transform your life and your inner fat girl’s role. It’ll be one of the greatest things you ever do. Hands down.